Hmong Traditions with Girls Need to Change

Anna Xiong | Contributing Writer

Many people still believe in the Hmong traditional ways. A daughter must know skills such as cooking and cleaning the house to be considered as a perfect girl or ready to get married. Parents will find a man to marry their daughter even though the couple does not like each other. As long as their daughter is very good with these skills, the man is willing to marry her as his wife, and considers her as his slave.

Many parents do not want their daughter back and do not accept her as their daughter because she is married. When she marries a man, she belongs to her husband’s family side, and she is no longer part of her family side. They do not even care if their daughter gets beat up by her husband. Parents should allow their daughters to find the men they want to date and treat their daughters fairly.

This is the cruelest rule they have ever made, and some of them still do it today. Some parents do not treat their daughters equally as the boys. They do not allow girls to go school, to take some rest, and they have to cook every day. The boys have more freedom than girls do and parents treat all the boys as kings.

The rules need to change because it is wrong for the girls. A daughter must clean the house and cook for the family every single day. Women have to cook in the morning, afternoon, and evening for their parents or husbands. Wives will clean tables and do dishes after they are finishing eating.

When there is a Hmong traditional party, men eat the food first. Ladies only eat the rest of the food that are leftover. Every woman must have the right to be treated equally because they want the same freedoms the men have.

They do chores all the time after the whole family is finished with the food. They sweep floors and mop to make the floor look sparkly. If not, they will get yelled at it. They always have to wake up early in the morning even though they do not want to. They cook every morning until evening because they are scared the parents will say, “If you are lazy no men want to marry you.”

More importantly, even though the girls do not like them, parents really convince both of them to get to know each other. If they truly find a good man with very high standards, such as a man who has more education and has a nice job, they would not let their daughters date anyone except him.

When girls get married to the man, their parents choose for them, student Samantha Moua’s opinion on the matter is that, “The victim may be isolated, with no access to a telephone, money, and their passport. Individuals who are being forced into marriage face many problems, such as feeling lonely and the feeling of withdrawing into themselves. This may also lead to mental and physical health problems including depression, eating disorder, and self-harm. This is why being forced into marriage is bad.”

Wives need to agree with their husbands’ suggestions and do not argue against their opinion. Mostly they get divorced since they are married to the wrong person their parents picked for them. They only use their daughter for money, not for love. If they keep doing this to their daughters, it will affect their school grade, depression, struggling, and create hatred between the husbands and wives. They not meant to be spouses.

I disagree with my Hmong traditional ways for daughters. I do not like how they sell their daughters as toys to men. Women have no power because women are weak. They can do anything to girls if they want. What they are doing to girls is wrong because it is not freedom for women.

I do not want any parents to sell their own daughter for money so the wife will be his slave forever.  They should change the rule and educate parents who are still doing the traditional ways. In the future, all women should have freedom.

As I have shown, no wife should be a slave for her husband because it is not loveable between the spouses. If they change the rule and allow women to have equal rights, boys and girls can do the chores and clean the house as well. Women do not have to take all the responsibilities for themselves. Men also will take the responsibilities as women do. People believe that in the future, there will be no violence, judgement, and divorce.