50th Anniversary: 1980s Video Reviews…

The Leader 3/1987

Austin Kallevig | Staff Writer

Based upon the suggestions submitted and previous viewings, I compiled these two rating lists of the best and worst movies that I have ever seen and been forced to see, respectively.

Austin’s Aces:

  1. The Last Conflict
  2. Kiss of the SpiderWoman
  3. Brazil
  4. Repo Man
  5. Alien series/Creature (tie)
  6. Terminator
  7. Cat’s Eye/Creepshow (tie)
  8. Demon Seed
  9. Road Warrior
  10. The Kentucky Fried Movie
  11. In Company of Wolves
  12. Valley Girl

Austin’s Erasables

  1. The Right Stuff
  2. Cocoon
  3. Poltergeist
  4. Godzilla 1985
  5. 9 1/2 Weeks
  6. Q
  7. The Big Chill
  8. Teen Wolf
  9. Cat People
  10. Clan of the Cave Bear
  11. Howard the Duck
  12. Iceman

The second list, thank God, was limited. The newspaper has a limit on bad taste and I don’t want to lose my pension. This list was not at all hard to compile (emphasis added), which gave me more time for the finer things in life.

Movies that take pleasure in killing immature brats (i.e. “Friday the 13th”), and movies that portray an evil supernatural being mutilating and terrorizing anyone who gets in the way (i.e. “Omen” series, “Poltergeist,” and “Nightmare on Elm Street” series) are nothing but just bad taste and shouldn’t even be eaten with pizza. Only heaven knows what goes on in the mind of the person who watches these violent blood-orgies which can only be equaled by actual snuff films. Who can understand why these movies are produced in the first place? Does Hollywood have money burning holes in its pockets? Is there no other way for the actors in these films to make a better living? Maybe it’s type of cure for cancer by being exposed to this kind of media. It cannot be stressed enough that these movies are detrimental to the human mind and should be banned from bookshelves of our nation’s libraries. Who knows, maybe an escapee from some mental institution might carry out some of the actual scenes and then see if you like it.

Tom Cruise is a horror all by himself. He has ruined every movie that dares to enlist his acting abilities. His name is what does it. It can’t possibly be his real one.

Bill Murray, Steve Martin, and Steve Guttenberg are all the same person with different hairstyles. One thing they all have in common is that they think that vulgarity and obscenity are two characteristics one needs to have in order to get on the Dean’s list. They take comedy and make it a four-letter word. You can’t even show their type of movies in front of your parents.

Eddie Murphy, on the other hand, is a fine actor. His claim-to-fame would have to be “48 Hours” . . . “Beverly Hills Cop” was borderline, but that was due to the other actor’s bad performances.

Tom Hank’s name also comes up when good actors are mentioned. Even though he plays the same smart aleck in every movie, it doesn’t bore you as does Chevy Chase in “Fletch” and “Spies Like Us.”

I do have to mention that “The Kentucky Fried Movie” can be obscene in some places with its slap and tickle, but you can’t help loving the rest of the movie. It has not been equaled by any other movie even though some have tried.